My mom is more than just my mom. My mom is more than just my best friend. My mom is part of me. I feel so deeply intertwined with her that I do not believe myself to be an individual person. She gave me her brown eyes and smile. We have a shared love of Diet Coke and "Sex and the City". She has passed down her wardrobe, jewelry, and hand bag collection to me, so I wear something of hers daily. I want to become a nurse to follow her legacy. We both laugh too loudly in public places, cry when we are happy or sad, and hug people often, warmly, and tightly.
My mom has a face that you remember. She has had patients from almost 15 years ago recognize her in public as their oncology nurse when they were in the hospital. My high school classmates recognize my last name and recall that she was their school nurse in elementary school. Parents and families from around my hometown will stop her to say hello and when I ask who they are once our conversation ends, she admittedly says she has no idea. (She’s a bit of a Park Ridge celebrity.) All that know my mom, no matter how well, recognize the feeling that she gave them: love. My mom has never been afraid to tell people in her life how special they truly are. Whether it be my aunt after hosting a holiday or the sales associate that threw an extra treat in her bag, she takes the time to genuinely thank them for what they’ve done for her and how they have made her day brighter. I’ve never met anyone so in love with life.
My mom has created a vast network of friendships that one could only dream of. Each of her friends are unique and reflect a different trait of hers like a little garden of miscellaneous flowers. She has shown me that we are a reflection of the people we surround ourselves with. My mom puts good out into the world and gets it back tenfold. Her ability to create these deep, long lasting connections was the inspiration for creating this project. My mom’s inherent ease of creating meaningful connection and conversation does not come naturally to me or others. I made this game and wrote these reflections as a way to challenge myself to love the way she loves.
On July 2, 2022, my mom was diagnosed with stage IV pancreatic cancer. I remember the day so vividly. I can still recall feeling the security of my once stable life begin to crumble in front of my very eyes. My mom, naturally, could sense my fear and did what my mom does best: took care of me. She grabbed my hand and my sister's and looked at our faces with tears beading up in her eyes and said “I feel like the luckiest person alive.” In the face of something truly life threatening, she was still able to find a way to rise above.
My mom has given me my name, my life’s blood, and my breath. She has been there for me through test anxiety, Girl Scout meetings, dance recitals, and job acceptances. She’s guided me through my defeating moments and uplifted me during the greatest accomplishments. Since her diagnosis, I have looked for any way to keep her around for a lifetime. I’ve taken lots of pictures of her, written down little pieces of wisdom she’s said in passing, and recorded our prayers on voice memo. Though these are just glimpses of the beautiful life she lived. How can you make someone last forever? I’ve found the best answer is to live like them. Lucky for me, I’ve been doing that all my life.
Mom, I love you to the moon and back, forevermore!