I played Crazy Eights with my entire family. We all loved hearing everyone’s stories: especially my parents’ ones from childhood. My mom was able to answer most of the questions, but I think what was more telling are the questions we collectively decided to skip over. Many of the higher level questions we decided to not answer. Nine of Diamonds: “I feel like things would be different if ___.” Ten of Spades: “I have been having a really tough time dealing with ___.” Jack of Clubs: “It’s hard for me to imagine life without ___.”
I don’t think anyone is too surprised as to why we might skip over them. Prior to the game, I was curious if this was going to happen and had a feeling we would. While it might have been disappointing for others to have decided to skip over these tougher questions, I think it demonstrates even more connectedness that we left these things unsaid. Cancer is like this great big elephant in our family room, but instead of ignoring it, we put a bow on it and it helps tie the room together. Yes, things would be different if my mom didn’t have cancer. Yes, I have been having a really tough time dealing with my mom’s illness. Yes, it’s hard for me to imagine life without my mom. What good does it do to say these things out loud if we all already feel it?
Instead, my mom took this opportunity to tell us how much she loves us. She shares how proud she is of me and my sister and my dad, how our bond lives beyond life itself, how we will always be connected in our hearts, and inevitably be together again in Heaven. We talked about the possibility of truly admitting what we’re afraid of, but it would come to no avail. I think if we ever started speaking on that, we would never stop. And all the worry and "what ifs" that we could think of will only be found out with time. We decided to let ourselves not get upset over the things that are out of our control. We gave more by saying less.
The anthem of my mom’s life is “Party Train” by The Gap Band. I remember my mom requesting the DJ play it at my cousin’s wedding. She whipped out a high kick from her high school cheerleading days that left us all speechless. My mom’s most embarrassing moment was when she referred to the no reply emails from our school as “nore-ply.” My mom has no regrets.
My mom is the center of all of our thoughts, right now. To share these stories and continue to learn from one another is an experience I will always cherish. To be so secure in the bond of our family that we don’t even have to speak to feel connected demonstrates the power of our family dynamics. I could not be more grateful to be a Tully.